Family!

I think I am super lucky! Very very lucky! Truly deeply madly! and in a couple of minutes u'll know y! Before I came to U.S. I stayed away from home for a couple of months and I had made the decision of my life...that I am never gonna do this to myself again...I can probably never ever stay away from my mom....
...but then before I could realise it was time to come to U.S. for 3 long years.... I was least excited... and my parents were almost sure that I would run back home in just a couple days...2 weeks at the max.
But!!! I have survived for almost 1.5 years now...and whats keeping me going is the big question....
Is the bad akka ..good akka chorus....
No ...u cannot wear this....u are not allowed to show off ur knees....
this color is not matching... these r pants.... u need leggings!
no homework for u......
time out.....
well these are the words of my best friend cum sister cum teacher cum student cum dress designer and the sweetest little thing.....'charmi'
We have had conversations.....like ....y are u so sad akka....and I go...oh I have so much home work...and then charmi goes...and u dont want to do that rite.......
I am like ....ya...
And then charmi like the wisest thing on earth....comes by and tells me all the little things that bother her like...how all her friends in montesary have graduated....and shes all alone.....and how she misses her friend vedika....She makes me feel that both of us have almost the same worries...
and then I could have two perceptions of life...that either life isnt really too difficult or its just been difficult almost forever now...so I should just get used to it!
And either ways I dont have a reason to complain.
And then we both just giggle and end up watching some tom and jerry episodes....
Now u know y I call myself lucky.... I have a little angel who charms me 24 'o' 7!
There is more to me being lucky...really..... I have this jumping doll...who teaches a 23 year old gurl how to jump...not just jump....he comes up with the most hillarious of jokes ever....
like 'bell tower laka laka anindi'.........this ones a little contextual ...so i'll tell u about this in detail someother time....
so I have an angel, a doll...and what more......
Two amazing people......Madhavi aunty and Mahesh uncle.....
One's a friend and the other a mentor....
I cant get a better friend than Madhavi aunty...
I have fully taken over their guest room......
Every time I look at Mahesh uncle and Madhavi aunty....I feel like a happy go lucky 5 year old....whose just not interested in growing up !.....who loves her soft blanky and a too too......
Before I conclude....I would like to mention one small incident that I take a lot of pride in
It wasnt enough that I was forgetting my phone......my keys.....that.in summer...as I rode my bike to almost every place..I had to carry a helmet.
thus another thing on top of my list to forget.....
Mahesh uncle kept reminding me about it...
but I remained committed to my forgetful nature.......
and so one fine day I was in a class..and Mahesh uncle walked in with my helmet just in front of my professor....
My classmates and my professors eyed at me...like...are u really a grad student.....
and I was like yes...I am the luckiest grad student ever! Truely, madly, deeply...
The first day I came to U.S. ....all I could ask for is one good friend.....but mere paas toh pura package hai.....one complete family which is in true words 'Home away from Home' for me!

desperacy, anger and finally sadness

Every day I get up with this desperate feverish thought of I dont know how my day will be today and then I realise its gonna be no special and thats why I start getting angry and then I get so tired of my self that I feel so drained out becoz of my thoughts and just give up feeling sad....
Its been a cycle of getting desperate, and then being angry for a while and ending it with a sad face for quite sometime now. Dont really know how long will this take me......

what really matters?

For me, Home is where mom is!

I am not one of those fortunate ones who have had a home for generations and can dream to look for that forever. I have been moving from house to house, street to street and from city to city and today to a totally new country. Technically family to me means me, mom and dad. And we have together grown from a single room apartment to a luxurious two bedroom apartment. And the meaning of home has been just the same in every house. We definitely are more equipped today but we have had the same experiential home ever since. Home is not a physical thing. It is not in between the four walls but it is my folks who define my home.
It is indeed a very thoughtful question. Which is my home? Which is my street? Which is my city? Which is my country? Probably all the people I grew up with define my home, my street, my city and my country. I have grown up in three different cities in India and feel greatly attached to all of them. On a broader sense I call India my home. Is it because I have grown there or is it because my folks are there? I don’t really know! But at the end of every day, I want to go to my home, where my mom opens the door for me, eagerly waiting for me to be back home! Home is definitely where mom is! Home is where the kitchen is owned by mom! Home is where mom decides what’s for dinner tonight? Home is where I can just lie down on the couch after a tiring day and sleep like a child and be rest assured that first sight in the morning is going to be my mom’s!
Home is where I make my way along my dad’s principles and moms love. This is the emotional aspect of it! If I had to talk about the right streets and the right house then I would say it’s the right light! Home is where sun shines on me every morning! Home is where the wind blows through every window and home is where the colors on the wall speak my language of being bold in every situation irrespective of it being a surprise or an expected disaster. Home is where not just me but my friends too feel at home!