This 1's for u babes!

Well really, I was not going to do this! For its solely and truly deeps' idea. But your wall post instigated the blogger in me and now I cant simply stop!

I don't know what to say for everything has been said so many times in so many different ways that there is no other language that I know of in which our story can be retold !
But I will do it, one more time for you my louuuuu......:)

Remember that long night, where you and me chose two other rooms in the same house to work on our designs and we were just doing our best to tolerate each other. It kept me wondering, if my communication skills were dead or this gurl hated me to the chore! And I knew it was the second option!
But it was not too long before we fell in lou and then there was no looking back! From the destination unknown rides after CAD classes to purposeless night outs before exams.... From mein pakka fail ho jaungi to mein pass kaise ho gayi!!! From mujhe abhi ghar nahi jaana hai to gaint wheel ride at 11.30pm....From sharing clothes to shamelessly hitting on the same guy in Kerala...from expensive pizza lunches to what can you give me for 60? From fuming like fire to laughing like theres no tomorow..from fighting for a few pennies ( 500 Rs from my valet that deepti ended up flicking and gave me Rs. 250 bribe..:p )  to lending several thousand dollars....( Air ticket to U.S.A).
Life has been unpredictable and a complete joyride with you! And I know that there is only more to come!

This 9 year old friendship of two extremely opposite psychos has seen a lot of ups and downs with a lot of frowns and smiles.It has been extremely unbearable and totally lovable all at the same time! And I raise this blog to a very special friend Ms. Vedika Mathur whom I would refer to a girl with a fire, a child seeking for adventure and as a women of substance!

So Australia.....here she comes to rock the world!!!


Cheers and loads of Love!!

Sameera.

Never Mind!

I was talking to a very close friend yesterday and after several unwanted discussions we did touch some thought provoking issues and naturally got lost in our gibberish talks. But you know how it is, when you have an important deadline, or something that needs a serious frame of mind, it all gets philosophical and wants to think how beautiful life is, bla , bla.......how it teaches important lessons in the most unexpected ways....bla bla...bla.......believe me, in my case it doesnt stop there...it talks and talks and talks to me for hours....i can probably make anybody on this earth shadap but my mind unfortunately is immune to the concept of shadaps......

Me : Thesis...

Mind: Is thesis mein kya rakha hai meri jaan...

Me: Bloddy Sab kuch

Mind: Seriously answer me a question

Me: Ohk Wat?

Mind: You have been running behind deadlines for the last 25 years now...

Me: Thats right! SO....whats the point?

Mind: Havent you more or less gotten there...like ya....u kept my cells from sleep, u fed my body all the junk, then you worried the hell out of getting fat, but some how u managed ....dint u...

Me: So whats the point sweetie?

Mind: The point is....aaj na mann ki karte hain....

Me: Ha ha....shadap....

Mind: No No...really....lets define independence....

Me: What? the one that we got in 1947? Mera bharat mahan and all.......hum honge kamyab..types....

Mind: Hello...cool down ms. patriotic.......i am talking about your independece......solely your independence?

Me: So what about it?

Mind: Define it! What does independence mean to you?

Me: Where do I have independece..seriously...where....in what? When I want to work...u ( thoughts ) trouble me...when I want to sleep, guilt bothers me....when I want to eat.....the fear of getting fat troubles me.....so the point is I really dont have any.....and when i want to have a personal life ....deepti troubles me! (LOL)

Mind: Yehi toh atak gayi hai aam aadmi ki duniya......I mean Sameera, when will you start thinking holistically.

Me: Now burcu is talking.....holistically...uff!

Mind: Ohk ms. loser, tell me what kind of decisions do you like to take for yourself...i know you need my approval but thats default.....but other than that....

Me: Well, I always have the choice to take a bath or not....

Mind: Hmm....go on....

Me: I always get to decide what I wear....hmm...actually not really........

Mind: I pity you ...but go on....

Me: Hmm... I also....get to decide with whom I want to talk and whom not to....

Mind: Well most of the times, people decide not to......

Me: huh...whatever!

Mind: ohk..ohk...go on...

Me: I get to decide what I want to eat...well ya my culinary skill kind of restrict me...but i have the choice to learn and explore... I have the choice to decide what kind of tv. shows i want to watch....I get to decide what I want to discuss with my parents...and what not......I get to decide how I want to deal with my deadlines......I get to decide how to deal with my emotions...I can either sob like hindi soaps or not care about them....I get to choose to do my laundry or just be dirty.....I get to......answer you or avoid you...so now i am not answering anymore.....

Mind: And may I ask you why?

Me: I hate to confess, but i am beginning to see a point!

Mind: Now you see.....ohk...but you are this close....please...common!

Me: Ohk, ohk........basically, i see independence in almost everything....like i have the choice to choose....i can either get up or just sleep..but the question then is why dont always sleep in...when really love to...

Mind: hmm...good question....becoz u r aware of the consequence...

Me: So you mean, when i was a kid, i wasnt aware of the so called anjams ( hindi) and so i was so much happier!

Mind: well...happy toh mujhe tu abhi lagti hai...bus tere aas paas wale tujse zyaada khush nahi hai...:p ohk ohk..i would say matured, responsible, thoughtful.....

Me: teri toh....i thought we were discussing...independence......yeh sab kya hai..

Mind: bachu..yeh na...chakraview hai.....independence comes with responsibility......if you are responsible for yourself then you are independent....you get to take care of yourself......

Me: hello...i dont see a point....if i have to be responsible..and all the above.....then i would rather let someone take care of me na...i see more freedom in that....

Mind: Thats probably why the whole world calls you a moron!

Me: What?

Mind: immatured, childish, .......

Me: :O.... go away

Mind: well.....when someone takes care of you...they decide for you...when you get up...what you do.....what you eat.....where you go...whom you meet.....what you share.....then where is the choice....

Me: Even now where is the choice. i dont eat too much ...becoz i know i'll get fat...i dont wear a micro mini...for two reasons...one it wont look good on me and two...others will have a hard time....i think its just less thinking when others decide...

Mind: Well although its very hard to make you understand....i will still try.....

when you do something.....you have a reason to support your choice...and that reason is solely yours....and when someone decides something for you.....and that reason is theirs.....not yours....

Me: So you mean result jo bi ho...just for claiming that lame reason....i should be independent....responsible and all the above.............i dont know if its a fair deal...

Mine: I told you, its hard in your case.....but like a wise man said "when the going gets tough, the tough gets going" Reasons might not look important today...but if you give a serious thought...what is important anyway...is it the result? you stood first long ago...u were happy...u failed once..u sobbed....but today neither has an impact on you....it was just another thing...u ate something awesom that day...u were in bliss...the other day food was burnt....u hated urself for a bit...but today u care for neither......so what do you really care for....the path, the process that you went through to get here....to get to that understanding...that nothing really matters....isnt it..

Me: Well, yes and no....i wouldnt say i dont care for the things that happend in the past...i regret some decisions and i appreciate the others...i feel stupid about some and i feel great about the others.....well ya..i think process is important...but so is the result...

Mind: you regret some....that will be your basis to decide for the others......u appreciate some....that will also form the context for some other decisions that you make in future.....u felt stupid one day....that feeling will make you wise today.....u felt great one day....u will remind urself of that special ingredient more so often...to make you greater some day.......but my question is why do you feel so many things? Why do you relate to these regrets and achivements?

Me: Becoz they are mine...

Mind: And what makes them yours?

Me: Well, i chose them...i struggled when not everybody felt i should be doing what i am doing....

Mind: So, I guess I have made my point.....

Me: What was your point.....

Mind: Never mind! :p

Family!

I think I am super lucky! Very very lucky! Truly deeply madly! and in a couple of minutes u'll know y! Before I came to U.S. I stayed away from home for a couple of months and I had made the decision of my life...that I am never gonna do this to myself again...I can probably never ever stay away from my mom....
...but then before I could realise it was time to come to U.S. for 3 long years.... I was least excited... and my parents were almost sure that I would run back home in just a couple days...2 weeks at the max.
But!!! I have survived for almost 1.5 years now...and whats keeping me going is the big question....
Is the bad akka ..good akka chorus....
No ...u cannot wear this....u are not allowed to show off ur knees....
this color is not matching... these r pants.... u need leggings!
no homework for u......
time out.....
well these are the words of my best friend cum sister cum teacher cum student cum dress designer and the sweetest little thing.....'charmi'
We have had conversations.....like ....y are u so sad akka....and I go...oh I have so much home work...and then charmi goes...and u dont want to do that rite.......
I am like ....ya...
And then charmi like the wisest thing on earth....comes by and tells me all the little things that bother her like...how all her friends in montesary have graduated....and shes all alone.....and how she misses her friend vedika....She makes me feel that both of us have almost the same worries...
and then I could have two perceptions of life...that either life isnt really too difficult or its just been difficult almost forever now...so I should just get used to it!
And either ways I dont have a reason to complain.
And then we both just giggle and end up watching some tom and jerry episodes....
Now u know y I call myself lucky.... I have a little angel who charms me 24 'o' 7!
There is more to me being lucky...really..... I have this jumping doll...who teaches a 23 year old gurl how to jump...not just jump....he comes up with the most hillarious of jokes ever....
like 'bell tower laka laka anindi'.........this ones a little contextual ...so i'll tell u about this in detail someother time....
so I have an angel, a doll...and what more......
Two amazing people......Madhavi aunty and Mahesh uncle.....
One's a friend and the other a mentor....
I cant get a better friend than Madhavi aunty...
I have fully taken over their guest room......
Every time I look at Mahesh uncle and Madhavi aunty....I feel like a happy go lucky 5 year old....whose just not interested in growing up !.....who loves her soft blanky and a too too......
Before I conclude....I would like to mention one small incident that I take a lot of pride in
It wasnt enough that I was forgetting my phone......my keys.....that.in summer...as I rode my bike to almost every place..I had to carry a helmet.
thus another thing on top of my list to forget.....
Mahesh uncle kept reminding me about it...
but I remained committed to my forgetful nature.......
and so one fine day I was in a class..and Mahesh uncle walked in with my helmet just in front of my professor....
My classmates and my professors eyed at me...like...are u really a grad student.....
and I was like yes...I am the luckiest grad student ever! Truely, madly, deeply...
The first day I came to U.S. ....all I could ask for is one good friend.....but mere paas toh pura package hai.....one complete family which is in true words 'Home away from Home' for me!

desperacy, anger and finally sadness

Every day I get up with this desperate feverish thought of I dont know how my day will be today and then I realise its gonna be no special and thats why I start getting angry and then I get so tired of my self that I feel so drained out becoz of my thoughts and just give up feeling sad....
Its been a cycle of getting desperate, and then being angry for a while and ending it with a sad face for quite sometime now. Dont really know how long will this take me......

what really matters?

For me, Home is where mom is!

I am not one of those fortunate ones who have had a home for generations and can dream to look for that forever. I have been moving from house to house, street to street and from city to city and today to a totally new country. Technically family to me means me, mom and dad. And we have together grown from a single room apartment to a luxurious two bedroom apartment. And the meaning of home has been just the same in every house. We definitely are more equipped today but we have had the same experiential home ever since. Home is not a physical thing. It is not in between the four walls but it is my folks who define my home.
It is indeed a very thoughtful question. Which is my home? Which is my street? Which is my city? Which is my country? Probably all the people I grew up with define my home, my street, my city and my country. I have grown up in three different cities in India and feel greatly attached to all of them. On a broader sense I call India my home. Is it because I have grown there or is it because my folks are there? I don’t really know! But at the end of every day, I want to go to my home, where my mom opens the door for me, eagerly waiting for me to be back home! Home is definitely where mom is! Home is where the kitchen is owned by mom! Home is where mom decides what’s for dinner tonight? Home is where I can just lie down on the couch after a tiring day and sleep like a child and be rest assured that first sight in the morning is going to be my mom’s!
Home is where I make my way along my dad’s principles and moms love. This is the emotional aspect of it! If I had to talk about the right streets and the right house then I would say it’s the right light! Home is where sun shines on me every morning! Home is where the wind blows through every window and home is where the colors on the wall speak my language of being bold in every situation irrespective of it being a surprise or an expected disaster. Home is where not just me but my friends too feel at home!

Its not about growing up!

All I know is life sucks...cant write any more.