destination unknown....

this is one thing that i dint know how to write about...this is one thing i dint know if i should write about...this is one thing i dint know would have any authenticity...but i shall write for i feel i should....
certain things have a bad ending...and the difficulty is i really donno if its an ending or jus another beggining...may be its jus the bad bit thats going...
but if i am feeling bad...that means something good was definitely there which i am missing today...so this blog is a dedication to my very special friend...
i had no intentions to speak to that guy ever in my life...i thought he was strange.. wierd....and disinterested...
at that minute i dint know that he would become a friend whom i would owe so much at one point in life..
but then suddenly one day we spoke...and then it all happened..
from the r.t.c. bus joy rides to the scariest car ride..
from the endless case studies to pinning up nasa sheets...
from the 1 ruppee coins for singing in an r.t.c bus to the priceless bday gifts....
from eating away my lunch box and keeping me starving to forcing in ur lunch box into my mouth..
from ur planned strategies to my extraordinary dumbness..
from the time we talked to the times we dint.
from the times of being jobless to the times of having no time..
i could jus go on and on...but i have no idea y i shud write this...i have no idea y some1 shud read this...or may be this blog is my comfort zone...that i can write jus anything...its all scattered ...and confusing...but thats exactly wat i am ...confused...and thats y...my destination with this very friend of mine is unknown...or rather lost.....

whenever i think i am out of it..i get more into it..its not sad anymore...its not difficult ....but its hollow...its like a vaccum...and the most difficult part is that i am responsible for every bit that has happened...and its all because of my joblessness...its jus me..and me...whose done the whole thing...is there no way out...is it what i'll have to feel all my life..will i never be able to let go....will i never be strong enough...cant there be some virus which shall corrupt my memory..and quarantine the data...i want to forget it all...i want it new...i want it wiped...i want it to be erased so badly that there are no marks...no sign of existence..no image in the mind..no feeling the heart..no confusion in the mind..not a bit...not a lit..( donno wat it means..it was jus going well with the line) i want it out...forever and ever...jus for ever.....how i wish ....what i meant was 100% what i wished.....

celebration

i am in love with the whole idea of celebrating festivals...
festivals for my family means...new clothes(grandeur at its limit) , loads of puja and infinite no. of delicacies and yes a real late meal.
we have festivals going all year long and today is Ugadi ( New year)
The main agenda of a festival in my house to wake me up early...and to make it even more exciting...i have to take a bath immediately i am out of my bed..( so unusual ) and then the real thrill...i get new clothes to wear...all silk and all...then a little jewellery after a lot of tantrums..

Looks like dad is born to perform pujas...he gets all ready in silk...with all his pooja equipments and sits right in front of god. that means he cannot get up till all the pooja is over. and i have to run around for simply everything.

Then my mom comes dressed in the shining, glowing silk and loads of gold...with wet hair thats randomly tucked...she looks beautiful....( very unusual ) she makes the prasad with a lot of love.( no wonder why it tastes so well)
The most beautiful pooja according to me is the panchamruta abhishekam...
loads and loads of milk, curd, fruits, dry fruits, honey, sugar is showered on god with beauty and grace.
The concept behind this act being that "god it is u who has given us all this and we take pleasure in offering it back to you .. so give us more and more...so that we offer u more and more" (wisdom at its height na)
But why am i so happy about it...because i get to drink that beautiful thing....believe me......its the most amazing thing for my taste buds....
the beauty of performing a pooja is the amount of flowers, the insane sticks...the love and the devotion with which it is performed....
today when i was witnessing a panchamruta abhishek and god was being showered with all the nice things...i wanted to say...can i also sit there ... can i also play in the rain of milk...can there be a lot of honey showered on me....can there be fruits all over me...the coconut water bath...
the dry fruits trembling down me....can i be there...where u r... or may be on ur lap......[:)]