Never Mind!

I was talking to a very close friend yesterday and after several unwanted discussions we did touch some thought provoking issues and naturally got lost in our gibberish talks. But you know how it is, when you have an important deadline, or something that needs a serious frame of mind, it all gets philosophical and wants to think how beautiful life is, bla , bla.......how it teaches important lessons in the most unexpected ways....bla bla...bla.......believe me, in my case it doesnt stop there...it talks and talks and talks to me for hours....i can probably make anybody on this earth shadap but my mind unfortunately is immune to the concept of shadaps......

Me : Thesis...

Mind: Is thesis mein kya rakha hai meri jaan...

Me: Bloddy Sab kuch

Mind: Seriously answer me a question

Me: Ohk Wat?

Mind: You have been running behind deadlines for the last 25 years now...

Me: Thats right! SO....whats the point?

Mind: Havent you more or less gotten there...like ya....u kept my cells from sleep, u fed my body all the junk, then you worried the hell out of getting fat, but some how u managed ....dint u...

Me: So whats the point sweetie?

Mind: The point is....aaj na mann ki karte hain....

Me: Ha ha....shadap....

Mind: No No...really....lets define independence....

Me: What? the one that we got in 1947? Mera bharat mahan and all.......hum honge kamyab..types....

Mind: Hello...cool down ms. patriotic.......i am talking about your independece......solely your independence?

Me: So what about it?

Mind: Define it! What does independence mean to you?

Me: Where do I have independece..seriously...where....in what? When I want to work...u ( thoughts ) trouble me...when I want to sleep, guilt bothers me....when I want to eat.....the fear of getting fat troubles me.....so the point is I really dont have any.....and when i want to have a personal life ....deepti troubles me! (LOL)

Mind: Yehi toh atak gayi hai aam aadmi ki duniya......I mean Sameera, when will you start thinking holistically.

Me: Now burcu is talking.....holistically...uff!

Mind: Ohk ms. loser, tell me what kind of decisions do you like to take for yourself...i know you need my approval but thats default.....but other than that....

Me: Well, I always have the choice to take a bath or not....

Mind: Hmm....go on....

Me: I always get to decide what I wear....hmm...actually not really........

Mind: I pity you ...but go on....

Me: Hmm... I also....get to decide with whom I want to talk and whom not to....

Mind: Well most of the times, people decide not to......

Me: huh...whatever!

Mind: ohk..ohk...go on...

Me: I get to decide what I want to eat...well ya my culinary skill kind of restrict me...but i have the choice to learn and explore... I have the choice to decide what kind of tv. shows i want to watch....I get to decide what I want to discuss with my parents...and what not......I get to decide how I want to deal with my deadlines......I get to decide how to deal with my emotions...I can either sob like hindi soaps or not care about them....I get to choose to do my laundry or just be dirty.....I get to......answer you or avoid you...so now i am not answering anymore.....

Mind: And may I ask you why?

Me: I hate to confess, but i am beginning to see a point!

Mind: Now you see.....ohk...but you are this close....please...common!

Me: Ohk, ohk........basically, i see independence in almost everything....like i have the choice to choose....i can either get up or just sleep..but the question then is why dont always sleep in...when really love to...

Mind: hmm...good question....becoz u r aware of the consequence...

Me: So you mean, when i was a kid, i wasnt aware of the so called anjams ( hindi) and so i was so much happier!

Mind: well...happy toh mujhe tu abhi lagti hai...bus tere aas paas wale tujse zyaada khush nahi hai...:p ohk ohk..i would say matured, responsible, thoughtful.....

Me: teri toh....i thought we were discussing...independence......yeh sab kya hai..

Mind: bachu..yeh na...chakraview hai.....independence comes with responsibility......if you are responsible for yourself then you are independent....you get to take care of yourself......

Me: hello...i dont see a point....if i have to be responsible..and all the above.....then i would rather let someone take care of me na...i see more freedom in that....

Mind: Thats probably why the whole world calls you a moron!

Me: What?

Mind: immatured, childish, .......

Me: :O.... go away

Mind: well.....when someone takes care of you...they decide for you...when you get up...what you do.....what you eat.....where you go...whom you meet.....what you share.....then where is the choice....

Me: Even now where is the choice. i dont eat too much ...becoz i know i'll get fat...i dont wear a micro mini...for two reasons...one it wont look good on me and two...others will have a hard time....i think its just less thinking when others decide...

Mind: Well although its very hard to make you understand....i will still try.....

when you do something.....you have a reason to support your choice...and that reason is solely yours....and when someone decides something for you.....and that reason is theirs.....not yours....

Me: So you mean result jo bi ho...just for claiming that lame reason....i should be independent....responsible and all the above.............i dont know if its a fair deal...

Mine: I told you, its hard in your case.....but like a wise man said "when the going gets tough, the tough gets going" Reasons might not look important today...but if you give a serious thought...what is important anyway...is it the result? you stood first long ago...u were happy...u failed once..u sobbed....but today neither has an impact on you....it was just another thing...u ate something awesom that day...u were in bliss...the other day food was burnt....u hated urself for a bit...but today u care for neither......so what do you really care for....the path, the process that you went through to get here....to get to that understanding...that nothing really matters....isnt it..

Me: Well, yes and no....i wouldnt say i dont care for the things that happend in the past...i regret some decisions and i appreciate the others...i feel stupid about some and i feel great about the others.....well ya..i think process is important...but so is the result...

Mind: you regret some....that will be your basis to decide for the others......u appreciate some....that will also form the context for some other decisions that you make in future.....u felt stupid one day....that feeling will make you wise today.....u felt great one day....u will remind urself of that special ingredient more so often...to make you greater some day.......but my question is why do you feel so many things? Why do you relate to these regrets and achivements?

Me: Becoz they are mine...

Mind: And what makes them yours?

Me: Well, i chose them...i struggled when not everybody felt i should be doing what i am doing....

Mind: So, I guess I have made my point.....

Me: What was your point.....

Mind: Never mind! :p